The 260th post.

From 5 September 2012, Amy Wee is reborn. Everything shall start all over again. :) Bye bloggie, love you lots. This would be an official goodbye to you.

To all my readers and those who follow my blog, thanks for reading all these while.

To my dear Karen, thanks for reading too. I know you've followed to update on what's happening on me and to know my deepest thoughts. :)

Last, goodbye to my old self. :D Hello new me! ><

谢谢。再见。

如果这个部落格从来没有被人发现，或许它会是我的私密日记本。

我要说再见了。再见，我的部落格。原因是，有太多私地下的话，我以为可以籍用它来诉苦，但我也应该知道网络是神通广大的，谁都会查到我的私密。

最近发生了一些事，所以就听了一个好朋友的劝告。对我来说，她虽然每句话听起来刺耳，很伤人，但忠言逆耳，却是为了我好。我决定关闭了这个部落格，一切重新开始。

这个部落格或许很多时候都在伤害认识我的读者，我自己可能也不知道，直到我的一个好朋友提醒了我。这是我的真心话：我不想失去任何一个朋友，尤其是好朋友。我用错的方式来表达我的不满，所以现在开始我想改掉。

我的好朋友提醒了我一句话：“不要以为每个人都要有权利对你好，你或许认为他们跟你好，那是表面上而已，其实他们只是让着你而已。他们哪里敢对你坦白。你会讲的话都不是真话，因为真话你讲不出口。” 确实是很伤我的心，因为招架不住，也没有机会为自己辩解。
（因为有些事我要澄清的啊！）

周围除了爸妈外，只有我这个朋友和老公敢说出伤害我的话。若是别人，我早就生气他们，对他们怀恨在心了。所以，既然世界上有两个在乎我的人，虽然 “伤害” 了我，但出自他们口中的每一句话都是为我好，我怎能不改变呢？

所以，认识我的人，若那一天你碰到我，诚实地告诉我，我是否改变了吗..

再见，我的部落格。谢谢你曾经当过我诉苦的依靠，但是时候停止了。:)

Bleesings

First and foremost, PRAISE THE LORD ALMIGHTY! For He is a Sovereign Lord that no other gods can compare with. God has been showered me with lotsa money blessings lately. I can't do anything else other than being thankful. :)

But among the two gifts I received, I rejected one of them because it's really a huge lump sum of money. Can't take it cause I will feel burdened. Chose to receive another one because it's reasonable. They comes from my relatives. :) thank you so much dear Lord. All these comes from your great mercy. :) God will never give too much or too little, it's always enough :D

Today is Malaysia 55th birthday. Proud to be born as a Malaysian.This is the year of Jubilee. Let revival strikes this beautiful land and lets stand up together to bring in the harvest! Hallelujah!

P.S. It takes great love, great courage, great joy to bring in the harvest. (Joy = Attitude)

Reflection

Just called my university and they told me that my registration date is 3rd September. Which means I only have one more week left! My longest holiday ever in my life is going to end soon.

Today is a Wednesday and I'm not working. I spend a lot of time thinking though. About everything.

I was reflecting how I always let my anger and frustration ruled over me every time things turned upside down. and that might have caused lots of people to dislike me.

I like to deny whatever things people said that are right about me, especially things that I don't like to hear. Not a good attitude at all.

I am not humble and I am not generous. I am calculative. I do make false statements about others :( Stating these weaknesses out really needs courage eh, because I'm egoistic and admitting these are quite hard.

I'm trying to change, but determination plays a huge role. Just like my diet, I need to discipline myself.

Wish me luck. Change change change!!!

很有意思

今天从星洲日报的副刊看到这么一个有意思的民间语录：

1。想钓到鱼，就要以鱼的角度思考。
2。不要显得比别人聪明，人外有人。
3。让对方作主角，自己演绎配角。
4。 勿目中无人，谦虚是王道。
5。 常与人争辨，你永远难赢。
6。锋芒太露，下场不好。
7。刺猬原则—— 保持适当距离。
8。树一个敌，等于立一堵墙。
9。谦虚不虚为，追求不苛求。
10。失言不如无言。

很贴切，同时也提醒我很多。:)

A new week

:) Today kicks start with a bright Monday morning. Going out later with hubby. This would be our final week spending so much time together before we both starts our uni. Glad that at the moment everything is in order now. Has the rainstorm in life stop? or just a short pause? I wish I'd never hear the news again. Let yesterday be the last day I heard about it till the day our family manage to get back our beloved Proton :)

Oh well, guess what? I'm staring my 2012 Christmas shopping. The list goes on just like I'm a Santa Claus. hehe.. Very happy. Time to crack my brain to think about what to buy for hubby, brother, mum and dad.. And some of my good good good friends.. ^^

Lord! Thank you for everything! Especially last night when I was having bad visions and thoughts I manage to cling tight on you to pray in tongues and ta-dah! They are gone from my mind! Thank you Lord for such a wonderful sleep last night. Even though I got saliva on my hand. It means I'm tired enough to sleep so well :) *happy*

Conclusion, having a good sleep gives you a good mood and a good day. hehehe.. (valid until 9.20a.m. only, cause hopefully my students don't make me angry later.. haha.. )

Undecided and random

Undecided whether to claim back my money from friends or not. Cause it seems like I'm very stingy. But I need money! *seriously* :'(

Lately I've been so money-conscious that I finally realised that what makes me couldn't sit still and be peaceful is money issue. People out there might not bee understanding but for someone like me whom my parents only taking care of my food, I have to pay for my daily expenses. I'm not lucky like anybody else who has parents to pay for their school fees or bring their daughters or sons to go shopping and they don't have to pay a cent for the things they wanted. This is my life. Desperately earning for money to support myself. Just a reminder here, I'm not seeking for compassion or sympathy. This is my blog and I own the right to spill my worries and thoughts out. If you find that this blog doesn't suit your taste of knowing anything, better stop following my blog. :)

But I count myself lucky to have hubby who shared the same situation like me. If I have a filthy rich boyfriend, I think I'd be jealous of him and spend all his money and ended breaking up. Lol..

Anyway, *sighing*, I also realised that good friends who used to be able to listen to my thoughts aren't any longer suitable to be my listener. Cause certain things I want them to remain confidential. Really don't like people to invade my thoughts. Yea, you may say that friends who know you well should be kept by our side, but knowing too much about you aren't necessary a good thing. They could be straight forward to you till you aren't even prepared before they hurt you with their words. Sometimes I've been so stupid to do things that caused myself troubles and dismay just to please them, to see them happy. But I don't think I've ever treated in such way before. Warning: I'm not asking anyone to be special to me. Again, it's what I felt.

Now, I don't care whether I've hurt anyone out there or not. Never mind if I have friends or not, real or not real. Cause I'm tiring of concerning this issue. Those who are true and who will stay will stay.

 Mind you, I'm a stubborn girl.

In the midst of Glooms

Today is a Saturday. Work full time cause afternoon I replace my colleague. These two days were not really happy. But in the midst of my gloomy days, I'm glad I have my hubby.

Well, glad that he insisted on accompanying me for dinner. At first I'm angry cause he just came and not accompanying me to eat. But my heart can't help but to melt when he appeared.

Was in a very bad mood these two days because of two reasons.
1) involved in a car accident and was told that I've to pay the "wira" driver. And the "kenari" driver will pay
    me only. So next year road tax will be very expensive. Plan to pay it on behalf of my mum. *deep sigh*
    hopefully everything's ok.
2) I don't like Saturday afternoon's class students. :(

Lately, some people just annoyed me a lot. Perhaps being lucky to have everything can makes a person not being considerate and appreciative. Just couldn't help it but to grumble. Sigh. I hope I can change this bad attitude. Perhaps it was me who was jealous.

That's all. :)

今天

今天过得不顺。

我遇到车祸了。放心吧，是别人撞我的车子。都怪我不听听自己的自觉。

我割伤了我的手指头，很疼，可是我很希望老公能帮我包扎，心疼我一下，可是他去上班了。

我变得很吝啬，不喜欢载朋友了，感觉有点被利用。

我今天看到他，我不知道要跟他说些什么，有一点点的不知所措。他变得蛮好看的。

这就是我今天的心情和想法。希望今晚依然能睡得下。

你回来了。

恭喜你，终于找到女朋友了。当我知道时，我有种说不出的感受。我们曾经很要好过，你也曾是我最要好的朋友，不管有什么事情，我以前总会第一个想到你，但现在，却不能了。

我不知道我是不是花心，还是念旧，我希望我不是，我希望我明天遇到你我不会脸红心跳，我希望我不会紧张。但很明显的，我必须把你给降位了，因为时间已经带着我们走在不同的道路上。你已经不是以前的你了。

你是我曾经暗恋对象中最刻骨铭心的那一位。如今过了三年，还是会有措手不及的感觉。如果我有勇气的话，我一定会告诉你，我喜欢过你。可是该过去的都已经过去了，这个秘密就留在这儿吧，没必要让你知道，呵呵。

未来的日子里，你也要保重，要加油。不要再为了省钱而不吃了，我不希望看到你有事。

谢谢你以前对我的好。祝你幸福。再见。

P.S. 告诉你多一个秘密，我很开心以前我们被误认是一对。:D

缘

缘，这个字，给我一种很奇妙的感觉。今天刚看完了前几年当红的台湾偶像剧，那就是 “命中注定我爱你 ”。看完了之后，对缘分这两个字有不一样的想法。

缘，不一定要牵扯到爱情，身边的人事物其实在我们生活上也讲究着缘分。有些事情不管我们多努力，不管我们付出多少心血，若是你的终究会属于你的。

缘，我不知道我对设计是否有缘分，因为它一直是我渴望能攻读的课程。由于家境经济的不许可，我没办法选择接触设计系。但我相信，有朝一日，如果有缘，我一定会有机会攻读的。我曾经失望过，但我想通了以后，就没有那么难过了。

缘，在我感情世界里简单的演绎着。在一起三年了，你问我跟他会天长地久吗，我以前会说：一定会。但世界上没有任何一件事是绝对的，所以，现在我会说：看缘分吧。

缘，让人捉摸不透，总是会给人毫无预告的悲伤，又或者是突如其来的惊喜，好无奈，人也拿它没办法。:)

弱点

本小姐有一个弱点，那就是悲观。我男朋友每次都说我是悲观主义者，连我的好姐妹也说我是。每当一个事情发生的时候，我总会觉得很糟很糟，又哭又闹的（惨过小孩子）。可是事情过了以后，当我回头看的时候，我会笑我自己，啊，原来只不过如此而已。干嘛当初要那么沮丧呢？正所谓：船到桥头自然直啊。Eh, 不对，因该是雨过天晴！

有哪几个读着这篇短文的朋友和我一样呢？（请举脚，哈哈！）

所以呢，不管发生什么事都好，切记，一切都会过去的，该发生的会发生，是你的就是你的。（顺便也提醒我自己，呵呵 ^u^）

A sad one.

Lately, my health is deteriorating like madness. A week fever, and the next week flu. Currently having flu now. Super tired. But luckily I did take my medicine and slept for an afternoon.

Rainstorm cause everything does not seem to be going well, the way i wish. I get frustrated and really upset.

My relationship has started to shipwrecked. I lose faith and my confidence has slacked. I'm starting to re-think things between us all over again. Whether it's worth to continue on or give up before I'm in deep regrets. Absolutely tiring. Always get the feeling like how come both of us started no longer understand one another.

But he does care to quarrel with me. At least.

I haven't let him know that I'm in such a bad condition these few days. Though yesterday we met, he didn't notice anything.

I wish I can be released from all these storms now. But I haven't learnt enough yet. Not yet to the extend that I'll be more tolerant and stop being selfish. Or self-centered.

Sigh..

A little bit of love. Here and There.

Today is Sunday, 29th of July. Went to church in the morning and later had lunch with hubby. We went to Fusion Grill, Jalan Song to try out. Never been there before. As we walked in, we thought it's a western restaurant, but then also saw some Korean traditional clothes hanging on the wall and some decorations. Love the surrounding as it's half bar half dining place. So it turns out that it serves both western and korean cuisine.

We ordered hubby's favourite Fish and Chips, my favourite Ceasar Salad, and a Hawaiian Pizza. AS for drinks we ordered Mocktail given by a name Laguna. I never try mocktail before. So I asked the waiter to introduce one for me. Since I don't understand, I just told him to introduce to me something sweet. So he suggested Laguna. When it was served, it was awesomely beautiful, even though it's just a blue colour drink. Haha.

Anyway, when I was bathing just now, my lips cracked into a smile when I think of what we did in the afternoon. I love ham and cheese and pineapple, especially on pizza. Hubby picked all of them and gave them to me and all he ate is an empty pizza with only tomato sauce. Being with him, I'll never go hungry as he will make sure I eat till I complain I'm going to burst.

We are making to our 3rd Anniversary this Tuesday, July 31st. He may not be perfect, not rich, not pampering me with roses or bears or sweets or chocolates or surprises, but his simple love for me- always protects me so that I'm not bullied, make sure I will always eat full full, be there for me when I'm upset, and most importantly, love me unconditionally throughout these 3 years have already made me feel like I'm the happiest and luckiest girl in this world.

Happy 3rd Anniversary to you in advance, hubby! :)

Longing for your return

It's 3 minutes past eleven and I'm longing for you to come home. I haven't had a nice day ever since my uni results came out. Mum was kiasu and she felt embarrassed to tell others about my uni result. If she felt embarrassed, then what about me?

You are the only one closest to me and I really can't sleep without you. Though tomorrow have to wake up at 5a.m., I'm still willing to wait, I don't mind. I wish we're staying together so that I can have your hug at anytime I want.

Sometimes I wish you don't have to work as a waiter so that you won't have to come home late. I don't mind waiting, it's just that wouldn't it be nice to come home earlier and we can chat for a longer time? What'd you say?

Mum was complaining that I am not thrifty. She got mad. I bought her McD Chicken Foldover and she didn't say thanks or show any appreciation at all. She scolded and nag. I just want to buy it and let her try and pamper her. I scared I don't have the chance to do it anymore once I started studying or working or perhaps when I get married. I wish as much as she would understand the reasons behind for doing all these are out of love. But she just can't see the way I see. It hurts.

Where did I do wrong at the first place? Where? Why is my life seems so stormy all the time and yet I couldn't find an achor to hold my life? I felt so lonely. So lonely that I thought I was near the edge of shattering apart. So uncertain that even God told me that He kept something better for me than everybody else but I couldn't be sure of it. Where's my faith?

I wish you're home now. Then like every night, I will imagine that we're just next to each other and I have you to cuddle me in your arms and rock me to my dreamland.

Whining?

I didn't get into local university when the results were out on last Friday. Was truly feeling disappointed though I know I should have prepared for the worst. My parents were disappointed too and claimed that I was a very unlucky girl. It's not what I want though. To be honest, I'm jealous of others who got the offer.

Ms. Lee said I cried because I kiasu. Ya, indeed. It runs in my blood. Even I receive the offer from Kelantan or Terengganu, I might be a little bit happy but after all, whether going there absolutely will be another matter of fact. My parents might not want to release me.

I did re-apply again. But, not gonna put too much hope in it. Chances are I'm going to a semi-government institution. My parents even want me to get a First Class Honour if possible so that I don't have to pay the loan. *sigh*

I'm taking Business Administration if I'm not going to local uni. Right now, I'm still working until probably End of September. Gonna miss my students a lot. But not gonna miss my principal. *crooked smile*

Today is a Monday which I'm really lonely at home though. Hmm.. parents all go out and my brother is in school. I'm blogging here and going to offline soon. Anyway, hope for the best. My faith has slacked. But I know overall, God is still in control :)

Grateful

I'm grateful for my part time jobs. Though it consumes my energy a lot (especially my part time jobs requires me to stand for a long period of time) I truly felt blessed and happy.

I went for the Sarawak Furniture Expo and work part time sales promoter for 3 days. Happy to work with Sammy and a new colleague Jeanie. And 3 of us are Christians! So happy. Just felt that we get along very well. And had fun together. On the last day of the fair, Sammy and I went for McD for supper. We ate Chicken Foldover. Guess what happened next? Sammy's car battery flat and both of us wait for my hubby to come and "jump" the battery.

And today, it is my first day working at L'ocittane Spring. A boutique selling French fragrance and body care and other skin care products. They are all very pricey indeed. >< There's one product that really attracts my heart, which is the Shaping Delight. It has the slimming and resculpting function, but will cost me RM205. T.T

Well, finally I had the time to blog and relax. Phew.. Tonight going to sleep earlier liao. Can you imagine, I haven't played my Castleville for two weeks already. I only go and help to click nia.

Oh well, going to pong pong now. Bye :)

A Deep Ponder

As you all know, I've started my small arts and crafts business since this year May. Today is a Sunday and I went to church with my cousin. I had bible study earlier and I brought along my bookmarks to let Aunty Sharon see. She had bought 2 from me last week and another 2 today.

After lunch with cousin today, we went for shopping around Jalan Song. Then after everything was done, I sent her home. She gave me this piece of advice which makes me in deep ponder.

"If got relatives like uncles aunties or cousins buy bookmarks from you, it's not good to receive money from them. Especially like Auntie Sharon who has blessed you so much." I was really embarrassed by this advice though. I just smiled as response. I really dunno how to answer at that moment.

AS I sit down and think about my business, my customers basically consists of Aunt Sharon, my friend Yun Yi, Karen and my students. I'm really grateful even though I only had few customers at the moment only. But then my business is only growing a little, hardly make profit cause arts and crafts materials are quite costly. Need to really sell a lot to earn back my business modal. My profit is still negative. To be honest, And to be frank, my total sales up to today is only RM49. (I find it hilarious) little and yet it really cheer me up. I've set aside that 10% of my revenue will goes into Go's pocket, 40% as my wages and the rest as to buy materials and as petty cash.

I felt guilty though. Was thinking about this issue and kept asking myself did I do wrong or not. Did I? Please leave advice for me. One thing for sure, after this business has settle down, privilege card will be made for my customers and my family members and cousins and aunties and uncles and best friends and my hubby, they don't have to buy from me. They can get them for free. And so include Aunty Sharon too.

But my business have to earn first.. Sigh.. I got flu today. Dun feel like going to Grandma house tomorrow. Want to sleep like a pig until late in the morning. Then only I'm satisfy and go to work. *wink*

Reality

It hurts the most when you're feeling sad and down and nobody was there to comfort you, isn't it? That's what I felt last night. Down, disappointed and totally fall into the deepest pit you could ever imagine. 

Was feeling very annoyed and disappointed, well, more than the disappointment you could express at my tuition center. I am working as a part time tuition teacher. Primary school children are hard to deal with. And each session of classes end, we teachers will pull on a black and stormy face and start complaining. Seriously, it's hectic. But a teacher's job can be time-consuming till the day is easily to get over with. You'd be busy with the little kids till when you look up at the clock, it's almost time for them to go home.

I seek for 3 close friends closure and comfort. One leaving soon and she's packing, can chat only awhile and so I cancelled the thought of calling her as she's going to be busy. One in KL travelling with friends and he's not available and the other one over at Kedah having her final exam the next day. Not I don't trust anyone other than these 3, it's just that calling them are free of charge.

Well, of course I cried after that. In the end when he called, I expected him to offer comfort but he could do is just telling where did I do wrong or what mistakes did I make. I do not want to hear criticism or any scolding at that point of time, I just need comfort, a word of closure and a warm hug. It hurts even more when he's the one I trust the most. Yes, he's angry on behalf of me, saying that I didn't deserve such low pay, out of love he said those in a harsh tone. But no, I'm not ready to hear all those suggestions at that kind of situation. And so we fight and quarreled over the phone. It's tiring and exhausting. Before he went over to KL, I prayed that he'd have fun and that no arguments between me and him will break out. But that prayer had not been answered.

He doesn't like me cry. And complained that I often cried too easily. I can understand this cause most boys they don't like to see their girlfriend cry. But crying has always been my expression of devastated state of mind. Sigh. Today I took an off day from our relationship. To be single for a day. I need a break. To do my own things and live for myself once. My biggest weakness is that I am too often living for other people and neglected myself or even asking myself what do I really want and am I happy with the things I do.

Always courteous and put on a smile makes me hide even more truths behind rather that exposing them. People can't see what's happening on the other way round because I had hid them so well and so secure.
I apologise that this post is not entertaining. It's just that this is one of the places I can release my negative emotions. I'm going to take a rest now. And perhaps continuing my artwork in the afternoon.

Yay!

Yay yay! Cheers for myself cause I've started my business! It's been my dream and it's about crafts and artworks! Which totally defines me and arghh~~ EXCITED!

I've made my name card and create a special blog for my business already! It's http://amycraftyideas.blogspot.com/ Please visit if you can.. But mostly I need all your likes for my business facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Crafty/250446025056298 Please give me your likes! ><

Spending my off days making arts and crafts.. Totally indulge in my artwork.. Although I know there might be a lot of crafts work are not impressive, but they all comes straight from my heart to make them :) Hopefully I can get your support. THANK YOU!

Off~~ Day!

My off day today. My last last last off day in the.Bedroom. Teehee~ Not sure should be happy to leave this job or not. But well, At least I get my Sunday back from them and I can use my Sunday to go church. Miss church a lot.

Today going for mani and pedi later at Nail Me Good. Will update whether it's good or bad later. Hehe.. Then after facebooking I'll have to do some house chores. And have lunch and go pamper myself.. :)

That's what happening currently. Tonight got tuition classes again. Hopefully it's an enjoyable one. Haha..

Oatmeal Challenge

I'm in the process of dieting. This process will end when I can wear my purple cheongsam.

In order to diet, I bought myself something I really got phobia to eat on, which is Quacker's oatmeal. That is something when older people will eat only. The reason I choose this oatmeal is because it can help to reduce your cholesterol and I wanna try to see whether it can reduce my body fat or not.

Oh well, in order for me to overcome this bizarre challenge, I put black raisins so that it'd taste a bit sweet to eat. Oatmeal cannot be eaten when it's cold. If not, one would feel like vomiting. I managed to finish them all while playing computer. It doesn't taste good at all. I eat until my face nearly turn green. *ueck*

Anyway, after the oatmeal, I drank a cup of milo which makes me feel better. Hehe. Mum still hasn't contact us yet when she reached China. Perhaps she's having fun there. I still got 3 more days left in the.Bedroom. Gonna miss Sammy, and perhaps Jocelyn. Lol..

He will be a free man today. And he's mine tonight.. *Wakakaka*. Finally finish his exam today at 12p.m.later. :)

First Day My Mum Left Us

Mum left us all at 4.05 a.m. this morning. She packed her luggage and just left us, leaving me and dad and brother devastated and clueless about our life. We missed her very much. In order not to get hungry for the future, Dad brought us to Boulevard to buy some groceries. Even though today is a sad day, but we're happy to stick together as a family and gonna work things out together.

Nothing serious happened k? haha.. Mum went off to China with her colleagues and will be back on the 8th June. Miss her lots. :)

Emptiness

Feeling empty lately. To tell you a truth, without God, our life is empty no matter how a person you love is always with you to accompany you. Still, you'll still feel lacking of something to breathe in your soul. And that is God. Remember how God create humans in Genesis? He breath into us. That's why without Him, we're actually empty.

I've been absent for church service for two whole weeks. Reason behind, don't feel like going because it's Saturday night and I just want to spend my weekend night time with my family. U see, family and God are equally important. With my current hectic life schedule at the moment, I barely talk to my parents a lot unlike last time when I'm still not bonded with my work. Sometimes when I reach home, mum slept and Dad is busy with his newspaper reading whereas my brother is playing his games and I just headed to my room, change to pajamas and sleep. In the morning, I woke up and they're gone to work. At first, I start to think it's pretty cool to have a schedule like this but it's actually not fun at all.

Hubby, daddy mummy and brother they all can't replace the status of God in my life. God is the only one who can make me whole. One testimony is I can see my life starting to shatter without God in life. With God, He is in control. Sometimes we do not like the outcome of what God will be deciding for us in our life. I'm learning to accept God's perspective of thinking. It's not easy. But God has His own reason and logic.

I had challenged myself on putting God last in my list. Turns out to be a bad outcome. I tried to live my own way of life but it's not working out. God knows the best for us, better than what our parents think for us.

This is my testimony. I've come to terms that do not take grace and God for granted. Going to church will energizes our spiritual life, thus strengthen us in our every aspect of life. God wants to see us grow, not wither. GOD TRULY LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US :)

Nothing much

Well, nothing much really happened lately. I'll be resigning from my job at the.Bedroom at the end of May and planning all over again for my 3 months holiday. Might be working at tuition center and take part time weekend jobs. See how everything goes first then..

Mothers Day is yesterday and we all ate at Bangkok Thai restaurant. Sad to say that all the food are salty. Didn't eat much though. Well, it's just another normal day for me actually.

Lately need to change my habit of relying hubby too much. He's going to have exam soon so will be staying back in school till night. I have to sleep on my own then without having to wait for phone calls. So hard to keep away this old ritual which has last 3 years already. Sigh. Endurance produce perseverance. So, got to practice it. Anyway, the good thing is I can do my own things, such as making my crafty thing. I sold two bookmarks already! Even though each only cost RM2. Hehe.. *happy*

Happy Birthday to an Old Friend

Hi sis, Happy birthday to you. Well, it should be belated already as it has passed though. Not sure if you're going to read this post cause I don't think you'd be knowing that I have a blog and I don't think you know about my blog address also.

Since young, I can easily remember your birthday because you're always ahead of me 3 days. I really want to keep it touch with you but it seems that you have distant yourself from us (me and tzer ern) We tried to reach you and somehow you don't really want to talk to me I guess..

I can't remember what got us into this situation already. Heard that you're at Lim Kok Wing doing well. Glad to know that cause you're always born to be an artistic person. The last time I met you is at Upwell. I wish we can catch up with each other you know. So many things to tell you and so many apologies to be made.

You're a great friend. Always a great friend. :) I remembered how you react when I told you I had a crush on one of our secondary school senior. Lol.. But ever since then I never dare to tell you anymore about guys cause I thought you'd feel gross. :)

How are you doing? I really miss you.

*Specially dedicated to May Lim Keh Hui* just want to let her know that she's always my friend. Always will be.

Sickening

Have been sick on Monday till now. Haven't recover yet.. sien.. Got fever, coughing and now worst of all.. FLU! *adumak* Really tired about getting sick like that.. worst worst worst still, my monthly period choose to visit me at the time I fall sick.. What a nice coincidence indeed.. Goodness sack. I really feel like complaining my colleague though.. I don't think I will get sick if she doesn't get sick for the past one week.. She had been coughing in front of me the whole time while we're working.. Guess my antibodies can't sustain me anymore.. Have been sleeping a lot and losing my appetite.. Great.. A perfect chance for me to lose weight.. Felt happy that I manage to have lunch with grandma yesterday with my teacher and hubby.. Though my purse "bleeds".. Well, my 20th birthday coming.. Have to say that I'm really looking forward for surprises.. I feel this way every year but somehow in the end there is always just a normal day on 6th May.. Lol.. Don't think anyone will treat me like princess de la.. Since I'm not popular or pretty or .. U know la.. XD *sorry, just bla-bla-ing.. no offence* Hubby was right about one thing though.. He said: How come your birthday is you chia people eat not the other way round de? Then I start to realise, ya hor.. Then I told him: Ai ya.. I want party ma.. While wishing for other people to plan for you might as well chia people lo.. What to do.. Your girlfriend not popular de.. XD But in the end we're laughing.. Really touched when he said something after that.. But not going to tell it here.. Cause it's secret.. *wink* Till then.. Happy Early 20th Birthday to myself. Gonna treat myself well and to celebrate for myself for always being an awesome and strong and to cheer for myself for living out a fantastic life. May is the only month I feel special about myself.. So I might be a bit vain.. haha.. No worries, other months I let other people in vain.. XD

Dunno how to give this story a title.

First time blogging at my workplace. Today quite tiring though. And in an extreme bad mood. Not really bad mood, just moody.. Have been very disappointed about my dad. He promised to bring me to the camera shop to buy my dream camera. Then the night before he bring me, I reminded him again about it. He changed his mind. Mum got in and forbid me to buy it and said that I'm wasting money and I still need to pay for my college fee. I got very furious. I've not been talking to dad and mum for two days. I'm using my own money to buy, not theirs. I just don't understand. I want that camera specifically before 5th May because I want to take pictures of my birthday celebration. I want that camera so badly. Have been crying for the past few nights. I'm lucky to have hubby at my side to console me when I cried. I really want that camera. One of my wish when going out to work is to buy a camera for myself. I want to take pictures of beautiful memories of my 20th birthday. 20th birthday means a lot to me. I'm almost an adult. I want it that day to be significant. I just want to live for myself for that only day. Just a simple wish. Is it too hard to ask for? I prayed that May will be a happy month. I really want that camera. :(

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the Tornados

Life is like a rolling coaster. You won't have happiness all the time and sadness will leave you after a while. The hurtful parts are the process.. Especially the down moments when you feel like you're losing hope. Sometimes you strive to give yourself the very best you can afford, but to no avail.

No one says that life is easy. It goes on as we learn from mistakes and endurance.

Lately, everything seems to be in the wrong place and I feel like I'm shattering into pieces. What I have always strongly believe in starts to crumbling down. Where is my faith, I wonder?

I feel like working in a shop where there are uniforms. Looks interesting and feel like experience that kind of work life of serving people. Maybe opt for Fullhouse or Starbucks?? >< just imagining..

The Gift of Hope

While writing this post, I"m listening to Hillsong United Nothing But the Blood. It's touching and it brings me hope..

I fail my Maths S in STPM. Got an A-, a B and a B-. I'm seriously struck by my own terrible result. I lost hope at that moment. I'm not even sure whether local university accepts me or not. Private uni cost a lot too. I have financial problem also.

But then after crying over the spill milk on that day, I gain faith in God Almighty again. I believe He will have other plans for me in life. I need to thank God for what I have and what I have not have. Getting a F may not be a big deal. It'd be a huge deal if I lost God. But I still have God. So it's not a big deal. :D

I know God still loves me. He'll guide me for He is my shepherd. This I believe. I cannot give up while God is still working out for me. I will work out together with God. With God, I'm never alone in the battlefield.

Rainbows at the End

Was having bad mood yesterday. Yesterday worked overtime till 8 p.m. and came home late gok cause went to Spring with my colleagues. But I bought a nice blue shirt at Padini for myself. Last night came home late but luckily dad wasn't scolding. But outside the arcade center I was already sniffing and almost cried! I was afraid that I'd be home late and got scolded. It was quite embarrassing though to cry at such a public place.

My colleague played the machine where you can take dolls, keychains and sweets. I know it's not good to pester her to finish faster as I really need to rush home. But I have curfew and I can't stayed till late. I was guilty last night that she can't have fun just because of me.

But today, I was thinking she's a bit selfish. She told me she wasn't happy that I pester her to finish earlier and she did not have enough fun. Then she said on her b'day going out remember to ask someone to pick me up as they'll be late so as not to make her unhappy on that day.

I don't know what to say though. But I'm happy today. Happy that I can spend time with my parents at home tonight and I manage to get 3 sales today.. ^^ God is great, isn't He?

Considerations

Today is Tuesday. Off today so I followed my grandma and dad to Petanak market to shop for vegetables.. Well, bored and restless at the same time for today.

Having two jobs now, I'm planning to take another ne up. Still considering. I sound like I really money huh.. Actually no.. Well, a bit. Haha..

Still taking considerations on what I wanna do to fill me leisure time. Or will I be too stressed up if I take another one up? Hmm..

See how God says then.. >< Hubby starts school already and so I'm quite lonely during daytime.. But it also earns me free time to think through some issues happening in life. Or those which are going to take place soon..

An easy afternoon. Going to wash bathroom later. Still thinking of what I'm going to do next though.

Happy Tuesday everyone.

Rose

My dear Valentine.. Well, me and hubby postpone this celebration till the next day. Because both of us are working on the 14th.

Guess what is the silly thing I did on Valentine's? I cried on the phone to hubby and keep complaining that I'm disappointed. Honestly, I'm not mature in relationship. At first I told myself that it was ok that we both celebrate later than any other couple. But seeing everyone else receiving big bouquets of flowers and huge presents and chocolates didn't make me feel very happy. I felt lonely all of a sudden.

The most immature thing I did is hubby already very tired after work on Valentine, and yet I was crying. He was exhausted but still took time to comfort me even though I knew his eyelids were already heavy. That night, I slept at 2 a.m.

Waking up on the next morning, I felt much better and I brought along his present along to work. Glad that he picked me up after work and then we're heading to Koreana. The real surprise is he took a pink rose from the back of the car while I was walking straight to the restaurant. That moment, I couldn't help but smiling.

I never receive a rose before even though we've been through 2 Valentine's Day together. I always wanted to receive one. I don't need it to be a bouquet, I just want one. :) I thought there won't be anything to be received cause he told me he's not in time to buy. Plus, he forgot my last year Valentine's present too. But that rose cover everything up.

Happy Valentine's Day, Babeh. We both have a dog now. His is Lolo and mine is Lala (Vanilla). Haha.. I know this sound hilarious. But.. it's a connection of love for us. :)

Hi Bloggie

Losing grip in my faith of trust. Don't worry. It doesn't involve God.

A message for You and You. Dear Lord, you know what I mean. :)

I know you're going work soon. So I guess you won't be smsing me when you're driving. Nvm, if I forgot to tell you what happened, that means I have forgotten.

I have been so weak in my faith in others. I don't understand why the walls between me and others keep building up. But I'm thankful yours and mine has always been keeping low.

Told by my cousin that I've been backstabbed in Form 5.

Brother fails to transfer class so she put the blame on me for not helping him to ask about/ask to apply.

So it was my fault?

For being stupid, naive and innocent and ignorant and stubborn.

I feel like weed in a pond where nobody truly cares or notice. I'm just the little weed that doesn't deserve love from others?

Now I'm getting more and more to believe this. It might be true that as long as my world has you and Abba Father, maybe you both are all I need in order to survive.