The Silent Bell

Today is a Sunday.. However.. It was not a happy day as it turns out.. I'm feeling stressed out, alone, sad and all the negative feelings I had now.. Aiks.. Tears almost dropping now..

I went to church this morning with Andrea.. But my heart wasn't there in God's temple. I was, however, in my heart praying that the service would end earlier. What is this lousy attitude I have today? Aren't I suppose to rejoice and be happy while having fellowship on Sunday with others? What's wrong with my heart?

Looking at the picture of me and him and receive a sudden msg from him makes me really cry.. I was really frustrated whenever he replied late, thinking that he might no heart to chat anymore.. And whenever he's doing something else he doesn't like to let me know.. Just because he scared I'd be upset. *sigh* Everything seems wrong today and I felt so lost now.. I need God. Urgent. I really stray away from God a lot ler..

Everything seems so silent whenever I'm alone.. Till it really creeps into the bone that made me shivered. It's like a bell not functioning in the virtual reality of mine. Creepy. I did asked myself all the time. That what is the thing that made me change so much when facing all the things around me.. It's like I'm losing passion for life, God, friends, love, family and everything I do that once I used to really love enjoying to do so.. *sigh* What is that thing that dragged me to feel like this? How come I seem that I don't have any choices to be happy other than to be sad? Why? Why is it so hard to let me get up again after being beaten down? Why?

My Recent Life..

My first anniversary with my lovely hubby had just passed.. ^^ really really happy.. We went to Kuching Fest to celebrate it.. And he was being a very top gentleman by chia-ing me to eat and play that Sunday night.. *muackss* and he was being a bit silly to play to game and insisted to get a soft toy for me.. hehe.. >.< but I end up got a yellow Hamtaro.. Gosh.. Like it so much.. so cute and it's a gift from hubby.. T.T

We spend most of the time together in the garden on that Sunday night though.. We plan to watch fireworks but it didn't turn up until 10.. But both of us went home at 9.. a bit sad sad.. He was having flu yesterday.. Xin teng xin teng.. T.T

Hmm.. August is here.. Means lotsa things will be going on too.. Last Saturday we're asked to wear traditional clothes to school.. So wore my baju kurung.. Lols.. Cause me a lot of incovenience though.. And this coming Saturday is our school jogathon.. At night will be our choir performance for OTA dinner.. Hmm.. What else.. Lotsa homework recently.. Rush till wanna pengsan ler.. haha.. This coming thursday is Economy test and Friday is Maths test.. Thursday morning need to ponteng class for the morning to practise choir.. sob sob..

I'm quite broke now with my RM20 pocket money left now.. haha.. But trust God.. God will provide.. ^^ I'm the creative ministry team in ISCF now.. so happy.. Cause din hold huge post anymore.. hehe.. senang a bit.. >.<

Tonight can't wait for hubby ler.. need to rest earlier cause tomorrow got driving lesson.. Nights, bloggie.. ^^