Disappointment..

Sigh.. Yesterday was felling quite bad for not being able to join my friends at the Spring.. I miss out all the fun they had and the movies too.. I felt even hurt when I heard from Karen how fun it was when they're in Spring.. Sigh.. It's the kind of feeling that nobody understands.. The worst feeling is being left out.. But.. kinda happy that they're having fun.. =)

This morning wasn't really a happy morning.. Mum nagged about me that I always wanted to go out with friends and never wanted to stay at home.. Sigh.. That is so not true at all.. And then she said lots of hurtful things.. Like she won't harap me when she's old and confirmed that she'll be sent to the old folks home when she's old.. and saying that I"m a useless daughter and so on.. I hold on my tears while having breakfast at the coffee shop.. All I can think of and wish for is running away from home.. And I was deeply hurt too when mum said that my Dad talks a lot of negative stuff about me and complain about me after everytime he sent me to any place I wanna go out with friends..

I was thinking.. Maybe next time I won't rely them much to send me here and there ler.. Maybe I can take bus to Spring.. Also can right? Now in Kuching there are so many bus transport.. It won't be a big problem I guess.. And I really got very disappointed that my parents are like that.. What I feared most and hate most is they always use my religion to mock me.. I don't like it..

This morning at church.. the sermon was about what are we running from our life.. then it talks about Jonah and the big fish.. A lot of times in our life we choose to be disobedient.. But we must come to know that through the things that God put us in.. God has a purpose not only for us, but for the people around us.. God's way are not our ways.. And God's thought are not our thoughts.. Maybe I'm given the choices of being obedient or disobedient.. Somehow I heard God's voice today.. He said: You're mature enough to handle this situation and difficulties.. No running away from it.. I'm with you.. Be there among the midst of your parents who do not understand you.. Because you're given a special ministry in it.. =) I'm hoping God will provide me wisdom to deal with them.. And I always remember somebody said this: As a Christian, we should always have patience.. Forgive others just as God has forgiven our iniquities.. Especially those who do not know God and be kind to them.. =)

Holiday!!!

Holiday is here and my first holiday activity is spending time with my dear sister at her house having fun painting her nails.. hehe..

Tomorrow Saturday I'm going out having fun with my friends at Spring.. hehe.. HOPEFULLY I can see him tomorrow.. so long didn't see him ler.. Miss hims so much.. T.T ok.. enough for that.. hehe.. then 7th of June we'll be having dinner at Friends and Family.. hehe.. Welcoming back Felicia and Hoong Yeee.. He better make it and come.. haha.. I mean Hoong Yeee.. hmm.. what else... Gonna spend most of my holiday dealing with my homework and projects.. We're planning to make a solar fan.. hehe..

I'm a bit guai today as I did a bit of my homework.. hehe.. Today I work for a morning.. Gonna get my May salary soon.. hehe.. And if can.. Tomorrow I'm going to buy contact lens.. hehe.. I cannot stand pimples growing at the side of my eyes anymore ler!! T.T

Can't wait for tomorrow.. Sure gonna be fun de.. haha.. Hopefully lar.. So I got to go now.. Want to facebook a while.. hehe..

Live a Life

Today is a Pentecost Sunday.. Went to church this morning with Andrea.. Then had lunch at Upwell there.. Today I had stomach upset.. Feeling quite weak since yesterday till now.. Sob Sob.. You know what's so geram for me today??? T.T That is I woke up at 6 a.m. today and I can't manage to sleep long.. It's weekend bo!! Hmmph! Want sleep long long but my biological alarm already waked me up ler.. T.T So I end up going downstairs doing my homewrok.. Ok lar.. I man guai de yi xia.. haha..

Was rushing chemistry, Pengajian am, maths T, physics and Muet homework.. Basically is every subject.. Sigh.. So stressed out.. Everyday I complained to ah neng how tired am I.. And everyday I moan that I want enjoy during the holiday.. It's deadly suffocating to me.. You know what my aunt said to me last night at dinner?? She said: "Ni yi wei ni qu Form Six shi qu enjoy de ar? =.=" Sigh..

I'm so so so looking forward to the holiday~ I want go gai gai with friends!! And what else, Ah neng knew my top secret liao.. So~ *phew*.. haha.. Oh ya, he's kinda changing lately.. Not for bad, but good.. But a bit weird weird de.. Become more caring than last time... Hmm?? What's wrong with my guy huh??

I love Myself ~

Today is a Saturday and I had kelas gantian.. Finally weekend is here and I can take a deep breath a while.. It's been quite suffocating to study Form 6 actually.. Every subject has homewrok and even sometimes I can't cope with the syllabus.. Teacher tend to rush the syllabus bacause they need to finish teaching two years sylllabus in one and a half year time..

Me and him.. ok now.. no quarelling and we're back to old times.. Things aren't the same for sure.. But at least it's ok.. I'm glad about it.. =) I'm so looking forward to this coming holiday.. Hopefully can go out gai gai with him and friends and family.. =)

After that short breakup, I love myself more than last time.. Not only I want to enjoy my single life sometimes, I want to try to balance my time for God, friends and family too.. And sometime for myself too.. Pampering myself.. hehe..

Peace in heart..

Today I succeeded again by getting through the day.. Today is an happy day for me.. =). I took bus home today and it was really crowded in the bus till people have to stand up.. The bus started its journey late so I also reached home a bit later than usual.. Hmph..

Then today, I sat for the inventory test.. Funny thing is kaiwee, alex and yuhuan all wishing me to fail the test.. haha.. so she bu de me to leave them.. bleks.. haha.. But I know they're just plain kidding lar.. Today Chemistry I really don't understand a single thing.. I can't get what the teacher is trying to deliver us.. That must be really disappointing for the teacher if she knows that.. Haha..

Hmm.. Cute thing is, mum was behind me today when I walked home.. hehe.. Dunno why we both keep smiling at each other.. lols.. I haven't eat luch yet.. Cause my computer business haven't seetle yet.. Which means I need to blog frst and face-booking first then baru I puas hati.. hehe..

I felt peaceful today.. ^^ thank you, my dear Lord~

Another Day To Go..

Well, just came back from school not long ago and had my lunch already.. Was face-booking and resting.. Going to take a bath soon.. hehe.. Oh well.. Today was fine.. And today, I felt comforting and happy that each time I stepped into the office and gave in the changing stream letter and forms, I know the day tranferring to art side is not that long anymore.. =)

I still miss him.. And even accidentally "see" him in school this morning.. I was daydreaming actually.. All of them are hust illusion.. Sigh.. I'll get through it soon. I told myself a lot of times ler.. =)

I had quite a lot of tons of homework these few days though.. So my life was actually very contented these few days.. I'm getting better because I got a lot of good friends to help me through.. I'm glad and thankful..

Still, even when I'm alone, my mind will be searching for the memories again.. Never knew that I'll love a person until this stage.. Sigh.. Deep and hurt..

Smile :)

I made it well yesterday.. I put on a sincere smile to face the world.. But deep inside my heart, only God knows that it was still a mask on my face..

I smile, laugh, cherish with him yesterday, joke around with him like as if nothing happened.. We'll be good friends, or no, best best best friends.. WE both make it to be a pause, take a break for this relationsip and focus on studies.. What it hurts today was every little things around me reminds of him.. I made it through today in school.. But when I'm in the bus, I cried.. Back at home, cried again.. It's just too painful to me..

Sigh.. He said he miss the days being single.. Am I a burden to him all these while? Or he refused to hurt me so he chose to keep quiet? Will things changed after my final exam next year? I wish I could know the answer.. I wish I could dig them out..

I have a lot of questions.. But.. I don't want to make him or myself sad anymore.. Feel like asking... Still I don't have the courage to go on for now.. I'll get through soon, this.. I believe..

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in the spirit.. :)

A New Day..

Miss him a lot today.. The moment I woke up today I cried non-stop.. Even when I attend church service I cried too.. I try to hold back those painful tears but they just stubbornly wet my eyes.. Drop by drop the fall from my eyes..

I keep praying to God to heal this broken heart.. I tried my best not to think about it.. Trying to minimise the pain I'm going through.. Maybe getting busy with works and studies will make me feel better.. It hurts a lot.. Heart bleeds..

These days mum nagged a lot too.. I'm really tired dealing all the things around.. Feel like escaping.. Sigh.. I hope time can heal my wound.. Now, whenever I pray or sing psalms or hymns I just cried.. Cry out desperatey to God.. And I have to put on a mask when facing the outside world.. It's torturing and suffering.. It's not easy.. It's hard.. Sigh..

Hurt..

Well, though I don't like to say it out, but I know it's always much more comforting to say it out.. =) I'm single today on 15th May 2010.. Since morning I've been crying till afternnon.. And after taking bath only then I felt better.. I took out my sim card from my phone, keep my phone in a bag.. put away our monkey baby and the music box in my cupboard, trying to distract myself not to think anything by getting myself busy with homeworks and studies.. I hope I get better soon... I deleted all the sweet messages the I received from him and keep one only.. I did everything I can to heal my broken heart.. It hurts.. I know starting from today there will not be any good night kiss or morning hugs.. or getting "I love You" from him anymore.. It's not easy.. And I have to face his buddies in my class, can I pretend everything's fine? Can I hide the sad truth from everyone? Can I just suffer alone? Can I?

I just know that I love him a lot..

Excitement...

Lol.. guess what??? I'm earning money to buy materials for my dream kindergarten and saving money to buy one building for my kindergarten!!! I know it's a bit too early.. but I'm on my way to make my dream come true!!! Can't wait to open my own kindergarten and teach little children about Jesus!! ^^