Hear me out

This is the first time when I blog, I cried. Just read my sisters blog before pouring out what I really wanna say. I realised all of us has stress, depressed about our life at the moment, struggling to fight for our future happiness and to achieve what we're supposed to achieve. Why are we living in such controlled circumstances? Why can't we be happy teenagers? Why? Just tell me cause I demand to know!

Being patient with things going on can only work temporarily. You tried to hide, sweep things under the carpet but that won't work for long. You do things according to what parents wants, instead of letting them to hear you out. You keep on saying: That's ok. That's ok. But the actual fact, it's not ok at all. You're holding your grip so tight to endure those unhappiness, until you couldn't take it anymore and burst into tears. Ya, I'm talking about myself.

I was not feeling well, feel down and pek chek. Mum came home late today from school so I end up to be the one who cook. I forgot to slice off the cucumber skin to cook soup and get complained. Ya, the soup sucks. I don't even want to drink my own soup. I got complained and mum was asking me why didn't I ask. I was feeling so pek chek that didn't even remember to ask. I just want to finish my cooking and take a long nice shower to wash away my burden. She only knows that I did rest in the afternoon and I shouldn't be pek chek. She sees things from the outside only but she never ask what is actually happening inside my inner world. My school and my life, she never bothers. I'm tearing apart. I'm losing my grip. I can't be firm anymore.

I can take it no more. I hate stpm. I don't like to face all these stress that's tearing my life apart. I hate it. Why does this world needs your result cert so that you can be outstanding from other people and in order to survive well? Why? Can I run away from home? Can I do stupid things like hurting myself to forget the pain? Can I?

Tonight I won't be talking to hubby anymore. He's going to be busy with his work and I need to rest due to my fever and for my health concern. Will I be able to sleep tonight without hearing his voice out before sleep? He's the only person that I can rely on right now. God, are you out there?